A Child’s First Job

Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time…

A 5-Year-Old’s First Job

A young family moved into their new home, which was next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough,” more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing $10. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her “pay” to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will, if those assholes at Lowe’s ever deliver the damn sheet rock.”

Kind of brings a tear to the eye – doesn’t it?

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Circle Flies

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?”

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said – “Well yeah, if that’s what they are – I never heard of circle flies.”

So the farmer says – “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”

The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, “Hey…wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?”

The farmer says, “Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.”

The trooper says, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, “Hard to fool them flies though.”

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Near the end of the 19th century, the council of a large European city commissioned a world-renowned sculptor to design a statue that would be placed in the city square. After much thought the sculptor decided on a work that would pay tribute to the animal that had given civilization its mobility and versatility – the horse.

For months he worked meticulously, paying attention to every detail, sculpting every sinew and muscle of his bronze stallion, so that it would be a lifelike replica of the noblest of steeds.

After two years of painstaking effort, the statue was complete. The artist presented it to the city officials who agreed unanimously that it was truly magnificent. They promptly placed the bronze stallion in the city square, where people – much to the shock of the sculptor – completely ignored it.

He could not believe it. Each day he would sit on a bench a short distance from his masterpiece to see if anyone would stop to admire his work, and every day he would return home dejected. No one had given his horse a second glance.

In despair he confided to his friend, “I cannot believe that people are so insensitive,” he began. “I worked on the project for two years, and today it stands in the square ignored. Everyone passes it by without even giving it a second glance.”

“My dear friend, the problem is that your horse is too perfect,” his friend answered. “People think it is a real horse – and who is going to stop to look at a horse?”

“So what should I do?” exclaimed the exasperated sculptor.

“I will tell you,” replied his friend. “Make a crack in it, and then people will realize that it is not a real horse, but a grand piece of art.”

And so, with a heavy heart, the sculptor did indeed chisel a split across one side of the horse. The result was immediate; people stopped everyday to marvel at the work of art that had been there – taken for granted – all along.

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The Caravansary

We should recall that Ibrahim ibn Ad’ham was once the king of Khurasan. One day the noble individual responsible for his spiritual instruction brought his camels into the royal palace.

Ibrahim ibn Ad’ham was annoyed at having a caravan enter his great central court and he said to the spiritual guide (who appeared in the guise of chief caravaneer): “This is a royal palace, not an inn or caravansary!”

The spiritual guide replied: “Oh yes? I took it for a caravansary.”

“Did you not hear me? I told you it was a royal palace.”

“You are mistaken; it really is a caravansary. Where is your father? Where is your grandfather?”

“They are both dead.”

“You see, those who settle here a while eventually move on. In what way then does this differ from a caravansary? One day you will also go your way. I wonder what provision you have made?”

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Fathers and Sons

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who
was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father
took him into his study and said: “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring
your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then
we’ll talk about it.”

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they
could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father’s study
where the father said: “Son, I’ve been very proud of you. You have brought
your grades up, you’ve studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn’t get
your hair cut.”

The young man waited a moment and then replied:” You know Dad, I’ve been
thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair,
Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”

The rabbi said: “Yes, and they walked everywhere they went.”

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The Captive Lion

A lion was taken into captivity and thrown into a concentration camp where, to his amazement, he found other lions who had been there for years, some of them all their lives, for they had been born there. He soon became acquainted with the social activities of the camp lions.

They banded themselves into groups. One group consisted of the socializers; another was into show business; yet another was cultural for its purpose was to carefully preserve the customs, the tradition and the history of the times when lions were free; other groups were religious they gathered mostly to sing moving songs about a future jungle where there would be no fences; some groups attracted those who were literary and artistic by nature; others still were revolutionary, they met to plot against their captors or against other revolutionary groups. Every now and then a revolution would break out, one particular group would be wiped out by another, or the guards would all be killed and replaced by another set of guards.

As he looked around, the newcomer observed one lion who always seemed deep in thought, a loner who belonged to no group and mostly kept away from everyone. There was something strange about him that commanded everyone’s admiration and everyone’s hostility for his presence aroused fear and self-doubt. He said to the newcomer, “Join no group. These poor fools are busy with everything except what is essential.”

“And what is that?”’ asked the newcomer.

“Studying the nature of the fence”’

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The blind girl

Once upon a time there was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry him.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”

The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too. Hating her former blindness, she refused to marry him.

Her boyfriend walked away in tears.

Months later she received a letter. “Just take care of my eyes, dear,” he wrote.

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The present

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn’t hear the band – he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

“Today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present.”

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Two thinking stories

I was strolling in the gardens of an insane asylum when I met a young man who was reading a philosophy book. His behavior and his evident good health made him stand out from the other inmates.

I sat down beside him and asked: ‘What are you doing here?’

He looked at me, surprised. But seeing that I was not one of the doctors, he replied:

‘It’s very simple. My father, a brilliant lawyer, wanted me to be like him. My uncle, who owns a large emporium, hoped I would follow his example. My mother wanted me to be the image of her beloved father. My sister always set her husband before me as an example of the successful man. My brother tried to train me up to be a fine athlete like himself.

And the same thing happened at school, with the piano teacher and the English teacher – they were all convinced and determined that they were the best possible example to follow. None of them looked at me as one should look at a man, but as if they were looking in a mirror.

So I decided to enter this asylum. At least here I can be myself.’

* * *

The Best Wine Saved . . . and Saved

There once was a wealthy man who always gave a dinner once a month for his friends. Is so happened that on one occasion a few of his closest friends were sick and unable to attend. The man wanted to save a part of the celebration for his absent friends, so he took a bottle of his best wine from the table and put it in a special box. That way he would have it when his friends arrived. He then went to his servant and told him, “Please make sure you respect what’s in that box because what is there has a special purpose for our guests.”

The servant was perplexed but respected the wishes of his master by bowing every time he passed it. Well, not long after, the master died, but the monthly meals continued. The servant would tell the guests of the master’s wishes; that they, like he, were to respect the special box. So the meals began to grow more and more serious. Instead of celebrating being together as friends, they began to eat in silence and to gaze in respect at the box.

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An air conditioner . . . and an alligator with a toothache

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that
the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it
be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Amazingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and forth and never
once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t
throw out the pest.

“Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t
even have an air conditioner.”

* * *

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender: “Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can’t make a face while doing it. SECOND, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.”

Man: “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and they get crazier from there.”

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”

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